THE VITAL LIFELINE OR DRAINING PHASE ?

The friendships have been always considered as very important part of the human social evolution. Since the ancient age, people have been gathered not just like families but also like the groups of fellows who share some common values. Through the development of intelligence and society, the value of friendships has been progressively added to the significant marks of homo sapiens.

But how we consider the friendship?  That is a special form of platonic relationship that we ground with the people who are like us and who seem to share the same life expectations and perspective that we share. For the good friendship, it is always important, that we keep on being who we are and not ever to pretend that we are someone else. The friends are the family that we can choose for us. If those people are our people and our tribe, then you have a great life full of unforgettable adventures. If those people are pretenders and fakers, then you risk having energetic vampires that drain you and your energy, wrapping you, your soul in the complete darkness. That’s what we know and call toxic friends, the one you need to avoid or eliminate from your life.

At the beginning of every kind of friendships, we start with the similar questions: “Can we trust that person? Do we have really many things in common? Will I be hurt if I am too honest and emotional!?” Those questions are normal and acceptable part of growing up in the emotional area. They are the questions that we often ask ourselves even in the pure emotional relationships and that is OK. We need to give the chance to the new friends and to accept them as the crucial part of our life. If those chosen people show their real face and hurt us, then we have a lesson. If not and they give us the friendship we always hoped for, we found the treasure, the keepers.

Unfortunately, since we live in the age of toxicity and sociopathy, the more concern – the better. As someone once said, better to be safe than sorry. What does that mean? You need to recognize the red flags in your friendships and to react on time, not loosing the energy there where is not needed. There are many certain signs that you landed in the toxic friendship and that you need to urgent act and move from such a kind of cohabitation. The true friendships help us to overcome the life challenges, risks and struggles or, at least, to deal with them in the best way possible. Your friend might not be able to help you 100% with the problem but he/she won’t let you deal with it alone. That is the happy foundation of real friendships and honest companionship. On the order side, toxic friendship is the deviation of that pure form, like the malign tumor of social gathering that cause harm to one or to the both sides.

Tom asked me how he would know that there is a toxic friend, the soul vampire. First, the fake friend or malicious friend will never stop to criticize you and make you feel miserable. This is directly connected to the fact that their support is lacking a lot when it is needed the most. After it, the manipulation is the modus operandi of your bad friend. You know that kind of perfidy and abuse of emotional attachment to get what they want.  The negative friend is usually the one who is jealous of another people you may spend time with.  That is the act of control, typical act of controlling the victim how act and react..  Then, there is unhealthy competition when your so-called friend is boosting own ego by belittling you. That is not mutual comfort and sharing wonderful experiences, that is a mental war that ruin your mental health and even your physical health.

According to the psychological studies in recent time, the toxic friendships are on the rise:” Toxic friendships can have a significant impact on mental health. The negative behaviour of a toxic friend can lead to feelings of anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and stress. According to a study by the Mental Health Foundation, 68% of people who experienced a toxic friendship reported that it affected their mental health. Additionally, 52% reported that it affected their physical health.“

The most important step for you to get out from this draining position is to recognize that toxic friend is NOT a friend. You don’t need such a person. If you recall the memories, it happened to you that you stopped some kind of connection and you immediately felt empowering and freedom. Like the darkness is gone. It is not a joke, but those people have very dark energy and big project to work on themselves. That is not your project or service. You need to move on.  That is not your mission. Those people are mentally not stable, and they search for their puppets and own theater. Many of them are also targeted with some sort of mental disorders like narcissism or bipolarity. They make their own victim circle, and they charge on the suffering of others. I don’t have any nice words for such kind of human forms.  I even don’t have sympathy. They know what they do and they do all intentionally so don’t try to find excuses for their pathological behavior, find a strong reason to leave it and to clean the mess they caused in your life.

Remember my words, the world is full of great people who are there to uplift you and help you fly. Never, ever accept to be in dirt with those who only know darkness. You are love and light yourself.